ribbonbon | 011 [Action]/[Audio]

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011 [Action]/[Audio]

[On the 11th, Pilouette watches as the the world and life she knew, her life, gradually breaks down around her, returning to its original state. But hadn't really been her life, had it? Memories, both real and false, flow forth mixing and separating and mixing again.

For more than a week, she had been Pilouette Panda, a rich girl with a father who gave her all the time (and money) in the world. She had two younger siblings that she did her best to steer in the "right" direction...but she had also been rude and nasty, looking down on those who had less. Pilouette had also been spoiled and arrogant, never satisfied with the things she was given, yet she was confident in her place in the world, a place she didn't earn and didn't need to earn. It was already hers, after all.

Pilouette Bonheur was the only child of a workaholic father. She went to school and came home every day, where she often found herself alone, chatting with friends or doing homework, doing exactly what she was supposed to do. She worked hard to prove she was capable and to get others to like her and had a few close friends who she loved dearly...yet no matter how much she worked or how hard she tried, she never quite felt as if she accomplished much and seemed to always need someone else's help.

For the moment, she isn't quite sure which is real. Or which one is worse.]

12th

[As the village continues to right itself, Pilouette trudges back to her apartment, keeping her head down the whole way. She does not leave. She does not want to leave. She answers the door when someone comes calling, but she does not leave. She watches the journal closely, but makes no attempt to broadcast anything herself. And the more she sits there and thinks, more and more things begin to weigh on her mind, leaving her feeling like a mess.

In her time in Luceti, her memories had been tampered with before. She had been made to think she was a boy and always had been. Another time, her memories had been stripped away entirely, left with only a small card telling her who she was. But each of those times, she had still been herself. Silly Pilouette who was awkward and nervous, wanting people to look at her and like her but not wanting to bother anyone with her silly little problems.

This was on a different scale entirely. Her real memories were more settled and she's starting to get a handle one what is and isn't real and it's hard to deal with.

For the whole time she had been Pilouette Panda she had been awful. Worse than awful. She had been abyssmal. She had been dispicable.

She had been a real bitch.

She had the means and power to help others, yet she refused to do so. And as she really was, she wanted so much to help others, but lacked the skills and confidence. But either way...she had been unable to really help anyone. Even in a completely different life. She always thought "Maybe if I was different, maybe if I was someone else..."

For a week, she was. And it didn't help. She knew nothing, learned little and had no skills.
Instead she was everything her grandparents had told her not to be. ...Her grandparents. Her dad. Her friends. She had forgotten her loved ones, pacified by fake relationships. Siblings that weren't really her siblings! Her beloved father who doted on her wasn't her father at all. He was a bear. That bear.

And the cultists! They had been in the village! She had seen them! She had scrambled around during the battle trying to keep herself out of danger, terrified the whole time. It hits her, really hits her for the first time that, aside from the kidnappings and the shifts...the enclosure isn't safe. The cultists had gotten in. How long had they been there? Surely the Malnosso had noticed, hadn't they, that the cultists were there? They must have. They had to have seen it. Did the Malnosso even try to help? Had they ever intended to? Or were they willing to just leave them to the cultists? She wasn't even entirely sure what had occurred during that week.]

[She needs to get out.

In the late afternoon, Pilouette leaves her apartment and heads for her spot behind the school. She sits for a while, talking to anyone who approaches her, but she's unable to clear her head. It's not far enough. So she scuttles back to her apartment and packs her small messenger bag, before heading to the forest. She's not sure exactly where she's headed or for how long, but she goes. She feels just a little childish, like a little kid running away from home, but at the moment, she doesn't care. She walks and walks for a long time until she can't walk any more. She slumps down, leaning against a tree and stares at the ground.

And then, she cries for a long time.

But it's not until she decides to head back to the village in the early evening that she realizes...she's lost. In her hurry, she had forgotten a map and no matter how long she wanders around she can't seem to orient herself. So,reluctantly, Pilouette turns to the journal. When she speaks her voice is quiet and a bit shaky. She makes sure to cover the camera. Even like this, she's not quite ready to show her face after how she acted.]

U-Um...I'm sorry, but...

I think I got myself lost. Um, in the forest. Th-this is probably a lot of trouble after...after everything, but...

["Can someone help me?" As if anyone would want to help her after all the nasty things she said and the way she acted.]

...I'm sure I'll find my way back. I just didn't want anyone to think anything happened to me.

[She sits for a moment as she considers maybe asking for help. Instead, she abruptly ends the feed and goes back to wandering the forest.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll help you!

[Luke is no navigational expert. He can't really sort through all of his memories either. The thing is, he remembers this girl from school and that she was Toph's sister even if she was insufferable about it.

Neither version of Luke would really be able to turn down helping a lady.]

Which way did you leave from the village?

[She's not sure if she should accept his help. After all, she's not sure she deserves it. However, after a moment, she comes to the conclusion that...well, wandering around the forest aimlessly isn't going to help her situation.]

Um...I'm not sure. I remember passing by the playground, so...n-north, maybe?

Now that you've let people know you're lost, I'm sure someone will be able to find you even if I don't manage it.

[So cheer up! It's hard to do that in light of the events that took place last week but Luke is trying his hardest for other people.]

North of the playground. Not so far north you got to that hill with the flowering trees, though, right?

No, I didn't go that far, but I didn't exactly walk in a straight line once I got here, though...and I wasn't really paying attention.

[She lets out a small sigh.]

S-Sorry. I didn't mean to make trouble for anyone.

Who's making trouble? I think what we really need is a proper map of the forest too, just for times like this.

[Luke has decided to set off on his own to find this girl - after leaving a note for his housemates - and so he'll need to recruit a little help. Pilouette might hear him mumble-conversing in the background for a bit.]

Just stay in one spot, all right? That's what they say you're supposed to do when you're lost.

S-Stay in one...? H-Hey, you're not coming out here, are you? I don't want you getting lost, too...!

[Not that she has a lot of room to warn people against getting lost considering the situation.]

No worries! I'll have help, we'll find you in no time at all.

["We'll find you?" She almost finds herself wishing she hadn't made that journal broadcast and wonders just how many people are going to get involved in this. Still, Pilouette figures she should be grateful for the help.]

Okay. I'll, um, s-stay here then. If you need me to answer any more questions, just ask and I'll do my best...

[No people! Just animals. He's fairly sure he doesn't have permission to borrow a horse and they're all too large for him anyway, but he'll make do with the creatures he does know.

So it's a small entourage of squirrel and sparrow that goes with him into the forest to find Pilouette. Gentlemanly rescuer style!]

[Pilouette sits down on the forest floor, and waits patiently.

To be honest, she feels a little embarrassed that someone who seems so much younger than her is having to come and help her. She's nearly 18 and it would seem she's not doing a very good job of being an adult.

On top of everything else, it doesn't feel great.]

[He's fourteen! He can handle it!

With a little help from some friends of his, anyway. It takes him about half an hour, and the chirping birds precede his arrival to where Pilouette is waiting.]

Hello there?

Oh...! Uh, hi!

[Pilouette stands, dusting herself off a little. She speaks with a bit of nervousness in her voice and offers him an apologetic little smile.]

I-I'm sorry you had to come all the way out here to help me!

It's no problem at all! This is what a gentleman does.

[Confident in that, if nothing else, Luke offers his hand to shake.]

Luke Triton, ma'am. [He blushes a little bit, because she probably knew Luke Layton.]

[A gentleman, huh? She can't help but smile a little bit at that. She feels like she might have heard his name in passing from her "sister." Given how she acted...maybe she should try to be extra polite, even if they didn't really talk much back then. She takes his hand and shakes it.]

M-ma'am...? N-no, just Pilouette is fine! I mean, I don't think I'm the right age to be called "ma'am" yet, you know?

Oh, sorry. I suppose it's a habit, sort of. [This girl is very nervous-looking, and Luke maintains his friendly smile just in case.] Did you want to go back to the village now?

I-It's probably for the best if I go back. To be honest, I'm not even sure just how long I've been out here. I probably should have been paying more attention.

Come on, then. It's really not that far.

[Luke is going to lead the way back like a helpful small person.]

I-It's not? ...Maybe I just got really turned around then.

[She follows him obediently, making sure not to fall too far behind. Her walk in the woods didn't really do too much to help her mood but she tries to make smalltalk.]

Th-thanks again for this. I like, really owe you one.

[Luke shakes his head, holding a tree branch out of the way for her.]

You don't owe me anything!

Even if you say that, I..I'd still like to do something. I mean, it's only right to repay a favor, isn't it?

[Not that she would have turned down a request for help if he hadn't assisted her first. She wants so much to be nice, to show people that she's really not the terrible girl she was last week.]

S-So, if you ever need anything just let me know, okay? I can do just about anything! ...K-Kind of.

Hmm. Do you know how to cook?

[Despite his love of food, this isn't going to be a favor to him.]

Cook...? Y-Yeah! I used to do all the cooking back home. I mean, I'm not an expert or anything, but...no, yeah! I can totally cook!

[She may have only a few skills, but cooking is definitely one of them.]

Do you think you could show someone else how to do it, then? [Before she kills us all.] Cooking.

Um, I guess so. I mean, I've never taught anyone to do anything before and most of the stuff I know isn't really fancy or complicated, but if it's cooking, I might be able to. Did you need to learn or...?

No, it's for my- er, it's for Flora. Do you know her?

Flora...Oh! Oh, Flora! Yeah! I met her at that, um, speedmeeting thing! We did talk about practicing together, but we haven't had much of a chance to talk since then...

I could definitely practice cooking with her! [She says "practice" because she doesn't quite know the severity of this cooking situation.]

It wouldn't exactly be practice. [Luke shakes his head, as if mourning something.] She means well but she just...needs a lot of help with it.

[Wow, he's really taking this seriously.]

W-Well, I'll do my best. I'm not like, a pro or anything, but...I-I'll teach her everything I can! I promise! I'm sure she'll get at least a little bit better...!

[Flora keeps trying to cook.

That's serious.]

She doesn't have to be some kind of fancy gourmet cook. [Luke fiddles with the edge of his hat.] I just want it to be edible.

[She can't help but feel like he's exaggerating- surely Flora's cooking can't be that bad - but she doesn't feel like she's in a position to argue.]

Okay...I'll teach her some things that are really easy to make, then. Um...oh! What kind of things does she like? M-Maybe it'll be easier if it's something she really likes to eat!

[Smoke comes out of her pots and pans.]

You'll have to ask her, I guess. Even if I tried to tell you what she's made before, I couldn't, because it was mostly unrecognizable.

W-Well, from we talked about, I know she likes sweets at least. S-So, maybe I'll start from that just to see what she can do and go from there.

[That's what was done when she was taking lessons, anyway...]

B-But I'll work really hard, I promise! I'll even bring my own pots and pans if I need to!

We've got everything! Really, though, you don't have to help her. She might just be beyond help. I thought you might worry about doing something in return, that's all, so I came up with something.

B...Beyond...

N-Now, wait just a minute! No one is beyond help, you know! Improving at things is just...really really hard!

[She might be saying this more for herself than for Flora, but still. It doesn't help that he apparently thought to give her a futile task so she wouldn't worry about returning the favor.]

We'll work really hard and Flora will get better for sure!

Edited 2013-09-11 07:09 (UTC)

[She goes quiet because she...had a little outburst there. Her posture goes back to the nervous closed-off stance it had before and she glances off the side, a bit embarassed.]

If...if she wants me to help her, that is. I mean...um...s-sorry.

[Wow. Luke is sorry he said that bit.]

I didn't mean to upset you. You just shouldn't feel...obligated.

N-No, I, uh...I shouldn't have freaked out like that. S-sorry. Sorry!

[She really had wanted to feel useful, to be helpful, especially after who she had been over the past week. But at the same time, she doesn't want to make Luke feel bad either. She forces a small smile and tries to sound a little cheerier.]

I-I get it, though. ...But if you change your mind o-or if Flora decides she wants help...!

What about if all of us cooked something together?

[After a moment of silence, she smiles, just a little.]

...Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice. It's been a while since I've cooked with other people, so...I bet it will be lots of fun.

[And with two of them to keep track, no one will blow up the kitchen.]

Great. It's settled then. [Aaaaaand right on time, the village is in sight.] Look, here we are.

Thank goodness...I should probably get back ho-[Not home. This isn't home.]...back to my apartment. I like, kind of feel more tired than I thought all of a sudden.

Thanks again for all your help. And whenever you'd like for all of us to cook, just let me know, okay?

Are you certain of that? I can quickly find my way around the forest, if you need assistance.

[Young ladies should hardly be left alone in the woods following upsetting shifts, after all.]

I'll be fine, um, thank you. Everyone is dealing with a lot right now, so...it might be best for me to just try and do it by myself. I think.

[She had bothered enough people over the past week, she didn't need to bother someone she didn't know.]

Many people are upset at the moment, and the forest is popular with those who wish to let off steam. Can you protect yourself if someone is not particularly careful about where they aim?

[He has a feeling more than a few trees will be destroyed by the end of the week.]

O-oh...

[In her haste to get out of the village, that thought hadn't occurred to her at all. Another thin layer of fear settles upon her already rattled mind.]

No, I...um, I guess I really can't.

In that case, with some additional details I could teleport to your location and leave you anywhere else within the enclosure. That way you could... deal with the last week in a safer location.

Um...

[She's not actually sure exactly what she knows about the area besides...well. Trees. She takes a moment to think before answering.]

W-Well...I think I passed the playground on my way in to the forest, so I think I'm north of the village? Maybe? I think I hear the river...

That's a good starting point, thank you. I'll be teleporting in that sector and calling out to you. Please respond when you hear me.

[That would make finding her much easier, really.]

O-Okay! I'll listen really close...!

[As Pilouette waits in the forest, she keeps quiet and walks slowly, concentrating on listening for Cecil's voice. She's being careful not to wander too far from her current position. She doesn't need to get herself even more lost.]

Excellent. I'll be there soon.

[Soon indeed, as less than five minutes later he's teleporting around that part of the forest, calling out and waiting for an answer as he goes.]

Miss? Miss, can you hear me? Are you nearby?

[Suddenly hearing a voice, Pilouette jumps a little. She had been expecting to hear him, just...not so soon. Teleporting is apparently, even faster than she thought. She stops walking and calls out in return.]

Y-Yes! I can hear you! I'm not sure how close I am to you, though...!

Certainly close enough, if we can hear each other!

[And indeed, it only takes about two minutes of walking in the direction of her voice before he sees Pilouette. He waves to identify himself, with a small smile on his face.]

Hello. Have you met any troublesome villagers while I was on my way?

[She does her best to at least look positive when he approaches, offering a somewhat uneasy smile in return.]

N-No...I haven't really run into anyone. I guess I'm like, pretty lucky considering...you know.

That you are, thankfully. I'd like to think that everyone could restrain their unhappiness towards this experiment, but that would be unwise.

[He quickly looks around them, but it appears no troubled villager is nearby. For now.]

Is there any place in the enclosure where'd you like to go? It does not need to be in the village itself, as long as you feel safe there.

I can't think of anywhere in particular. To be honest, if I hadn't gotten tired, I probably would have just kept walking. Right now, I don't think I can feel safe anywhere around here.

[After all, the place had been swarming with cultists just a few days before and many people were still wondering just how they got in or what they were doing there...besides enslaving Luceti's populace in a bizarre dream.]

...Ah, yes. There is that.

[Their minds had been invaded before. The village had been invaded before. But both at the same time...]

Somewhere you could rest then, perhaps. Or if there's anyone you wish to visit...

I came out here because I didn't want to see anyone right now. I...I wasn't really the best person this week.

[She still feels ashamed about it, her gaze falling to the ground. She doesn't really want to go back to her apartment yet. But it's not like she can just keep sitting out in the woods, especially not after this person was kind enough to come and help her. After a moment, she looks up at Cecil.]

...Where would you go?

Most will understand that that person was not quite you, I think. ...Though perhaps not yet.

[Perhaps not ever for a few, but he refuses to admit that possibility out loud.]

Home. Or to the Battle Dome to train a little.

[But that probably wouldn't work, would it?]

...I also know of a peaceful little clearing, near the southern edge of the village. You'd not have to see many people, but you could easily walk back anytime you wish.

I...I guess you're right.

[Though, she's not even sure if that was really her. That is to say, she's not sure what it was that stood between her and that person.]

...If you don't mind, c-could you take me there? Please?

Of course.

[A nice, quiet little spot near civilization, can only help, at this point.]

It'll only take two or three Teleports to reach it. Please do not stray too far from me while I cast.

O-Okay. ...And thank you.

[She moves just a little bit closer and watches him nervously. Though she's aware that many people in Luceti know magic, it's rare that she actually sees it in action. She's not quite sure what to expect.]

[She can expect Cecil closing his eyes to concentrate, some strange distortion in the air, and- Huh, would you look at that. The forest suddenly looks different, whether it is the position of the trees or the amount of light around them.]

...Good, I managed to bring us this far. It'll only take one more spell.

[Wide-eyed, Pilouette looks around. It seemed to take barely even a moment. She lets out a long breath her body relaxing a little as she nods.]

O...Okay...!

[Teleport spells are always impressive, the first time. The question is whether they still are the second time, when they give way to an empty clearing with a few logs strewn about.]

And here we are. Peaceful, quiet, close to the village without being attached to it.

[She walks around the clearing a little, looking around. It really is quite a peaceful little place.]

Whoa...I never even knew this was here...

[But if this is somewhere he comes often...]

U-Um...if it's okay with you, w-would it be okay if I come here every once in a while?

Of course. The forest belongs to everyone equally, and there's plenty of space to share.

[He gestures at the logs, which could indeed sit a few people.]

Besides, I do little more than practice magic and eat lunch here. It's not as if I need complete solitude.

[She smiles a nervous little smmile and gives him a polite little nod.]

Thank you. F-For helping me so much today. I, um, really appreciate it. If there's anything I can do in return, j-just ask!

You can stay safe while this all dies down. Now that we've survived such an attack, this is hardly the time to get hurt.

[The perfect time to get upset, perhaps, but not hurt.]

[She nods, feeling just a bit guilty. She had run out into the forest without even thinking about what could happen and then ended up needing help, which ended up dragging other people into a potentially dangerous situation. When she answers her voice is just a little quieter.]

R-Right. I'll, um, try to be more careful from now on.

Wonderful. I'm glad for that.

[He really sounds like he is, too.]

If you wish to return to the village, you only need to walk north from here. It's beyond that big log over there, if that helps.

[He points at the log in questions. It's large enough to be easy to recognize, luckily.]

North...

[She looks where he's pointing for a moment as if to make it stick in her mind and turns back to him with a firm nod and a small smile.]

Got it. ...I think I'll be okay. And, um, thanks again.

[Ah, a smile. Smiles are good, after everything that's happened.]

You're welcome. If you need anything else, or if someone comes to bother you, don't hesitate to contact me through the journals.

[Shinji spends the 11th quietly, mostly keeping to himself, but on the 12th, he decides to try and sort some things out, so that morning, he knocks on Pilouette's door to talk to her.]

Pilouette?

[He's a little nervous, truthfully, because the whole homecoming dance thing was embarrassing. (Though it was no one's fault but his own, he was just way too shy for those things.) Still, it wasn't a huge thing and it would be better to get it over with, so that's what he wants to do. He just hopes she's not mad or anything...]

[Oh, she knows that voice. Shinji is probably one of the people she's most nervous about talking to right now. How can she even face him after how she acted? She's not even sure why he would want to talk to her right now.

She doesn't open the door all way, instead just, cracking it open a few inches, doing her best to keep out of sight. When she answers, her voice is small and timid.]

Y-Yes? Did...did you need something?

[He actually looks away as he explains the reason for his visit, avoiding eye contact out of embarrassment.]

Oh, um, it's nothing important. I just wanted to apologize. I, uh... probably wasn't a very good date.

[Yes, even though Pilouette might have had a major attitude problem, Shinji still felt like he was the one who should be making an apology. It's a really bad habit.]

[She can't believe her ears. Shinji is apologizing to her?! Her opens her door a little more, unable to look him in the eye. Her voice is still quiet as as she speaks.]

You don't have anything to apologize for. I'm the one who needs to apologize. I...I was really horrible to you.

O-oh, no, you weren't that bad! [He really means that, too! Which... probably says something about the relationships he's used to, but. Still, he seems a little surprised by her apology.] It wasn't a big deal, really.

[She opens the door just a little more, though she still can't look at him. The fact that Shinji is being so nice about it makes her feel even worse...and just a tiny tiny bit angry. Is he for real right now? She's not sure she would be able to be so nice if she were in his shoes.]

Wasn't that bad...? B-But I was terrible! You're not even a little bit mad?! Come on, even I hate me right now...!

Well, it's kind of hard to be mad about something that isn't your fault. I mean, I know you're not normally like that, so...

[Although it probably helped that otherwise, his life wasn't all that bad. ...and he's definitely dealt with worse.]

I...I guess you have a point, but...Like, you seemed like you, you know? And it kind of freaks me out that I wasn't. Like, who even was I?

[Freaked out doesn't quite get it. She wondered how close she was to being that girl; what exactly was it?]

A-Anyway, even if you're not angry, I still feel really bad. I...I'll do my best to make it up to you, I promise!

I think I just got lucky this time around, that's all. [He smiles a little, even though he knows that was a bad attempt at a joke. When she explained it, he realized that he could definitely empathize. Even though Shinji didn't like who he was as a person, at least he knew who he was. Maybe that's why these things were usually so hard to deal with. But he definitely understands.] Don't worry about it too much. It's fine, I promise.

[Though if she really wanted to make it up to him somehow, he wouldn't do much more to dissuade her. She might feel better if she does this, after all. It's a personal thing.]

But...! I-I really want to, though! That whole time, I didn't do anything for anyone. And even though you were nice enough to ask me to go with you to the dance, I was totally horrible! Even if I was someone else, I feel like I need to do something to make up for it!

[She feels especially embarrassed by that.]

To be honest, there are probably a lot of people I need to make things up to...

I think I understand. It's just something you have to do, right? [Maybe he couldn't quite relate to her—he's never been made a worse person by these Shifts, only better—but sometimes, there were things you just... had to do. He understood that.] I think it's a good idea. I mean, it's something you can do now that you're yourself again.

Y-Yeah! I just...I just want to do something nice for all the people I was so terrible to.

[Not just trying to absolve her own guilt but trying to prove to those she didn't know as well, that she's actually not a terrible person.]

So, um, if you need anything done, let me know! Cooking, cleaning, laundry...Even if it's something you just don't feel like doing! I'll do it! O-Okay?!

Alright. [He nods, smiling a bit more now.] I'll remember that. Make sure you don't overwork yourself, though.

Right. I can handle it! I promise! But...

[She's not even sure she should say anything. They weren't quite themselves. But...]

Um...I-If you don't mind me asking...Why did you ask me to the dance? If you even remember. I mean, I wasn't exactly um, the best person. [She quickly adds.] Y-You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though! I-I mean, it probably doesn't mean anything now anyway, you know?

[The question totally takes him by surprise. His face turns a little red as he looks away.]

U-um, well, I... [Should he lie? No, he's an awful liar, he'd never get away with it when he's known Pilouette for as long as he has. He might as well just admit it.] I guess I... thought you were kind of cute, that's all.

[There are probably more embarrassing reasons out there, but it's still pretty darn embarrassing for Shinji to admit. If he had been himself, he never would have been able to ask someone out like that, no matter what he thought of them.]

O-Oh. I, uh, I see.

[So even an awful personality can be overlooked if someone is cute...? Pilouette thinks about this for just a second. She's actually starting to regret asking and hadn't even known what kind of answer she was expecting.]

S-sorry, um, th-that was probably a weird thing to ask, right? I was just wondering because...because I've never been on a date before. Or...been someone else's date. Or whatever.

I-it's okay! [Even though he's embarrassed, she clearly is, too, so he tries to brush it off anyway.] I mean, I've never done anything like that before, either. I was probably awful at it.

[And even if he wasn't, he still thinks he's the least likeable person there is. He wouldn't wish dating himself on anyone, to be honest.]

N-No, no, you were, um, really nice! I was the one who was bad at it! There were probably worse people I could have gone to that thing with...A-Anyway, it's not like it matters now or whatever!

[She says that but now she really regrets asking because she's probably made the whole situation worse and generally more awkward.]

L-Like I said, I'm really sorry about everything. ...I should probably apologize to my um, "family," too...

[Shinji can't help but feel relieved when she changes the subject. Sure, he's been through much more awkward things in the past, but this is still pretty darn awkward.]

It's okay. And that's a good idea, I think you should. They might need your apology more than me.

[Not because of her meanness, but because of the whole "family" thing. He knew that that could complicate things a lot more than homecoming dates could.]

Edited 2013-09-04 06:00 (UTC)

Y-Yeah. I think I'll work on trying to talk to them. ...A-And thanks for um...f-for not being mad.

[Part of her is relieve that Shinji isn't mad, but it makes her feel even stronger about making it up to him.]

Don't worry about it. [He shakes his head and offers a small, encouraging smile.] Just take it easy, okay? And good luck.

[Panda isn't sure what to do, either. He's been avoiding a lot of things himself...family issues are really beyond him! He's just a simple panda, and it's weird in a lot of ways. He's not nearly as bothered as Pilouette, but he still feels really bad for her...because she lost him as a father, kinda, but also more than that...he has a lot of things to be embarrassed for himself.

When he goes to her apartment, she's already left...so he leaves some snacks in the living room. None of them are bamboo, but a bamboo leaf or two that got caught between the bags make it very clear who's left them. Candy, mostly, but there's some snack cakes, too.

Once he arranges it all nicely on her apartment table, he leaves. Panda in the night...]

[ She believes the past Shift is highly taking their toll on everyone — wether they were effected or not — and though Marita feels weary and tired, dazed from her venture into the asylum, she knows she is not the only one suffering. Though she is only on slightly professional terms with Pilouette, she still worries.

It would be strange for her not to because first and foremost, humanity matters to her and always has. ]

Would you like to talk, Pilouette?

[She's not quite sure what to say. Pilouette has never been good with opening up to adults, especially ones she doesn't know. She always tried to put up a front of being an adult herself. But right now...well, she doesn't know what to think.]

...I don't know if I can talk about it. I feel like my entire mind is like, totally messed up.

[ Her brief silence means understanding. Judging by the journals and those she has come across, it seems everyone's mind is, including her own. ]

Would you like to meet me in town and grab something to eat? It might take your — [ Our. ] — mind off everything.

Y...Yeah, okay. That, um, that sounds good.

[She figures it might be easier to talk to someone she wasn't awful to.]

I've had some people guiding me, so I should be back to the village before too long. I-I'll see you in a little bit, then.

Meet me in the center of town and we'll head over to the bakery. I'll see you then.

[ Marita closes the journal shut and figures she has some time before Pilouette makes it out of the forest, so she bides it away by trying to sort her own thoughts out. It is hard not to when she was in a state of panic being trapped in a mental facility after facing such a time being experimented on in a medical one.

When she deems it is time that she should get going, she finally steps out and takes her time toward the center of the town. There is an entirely different feeling to it than it's usual sportive manner, a feeling like a large, dark curtain draped entirely over the windows. Everyone has been trapped within their own thoughts today that it's a relief that perhaps they can escape theirs for awhile. ]

Edited 2013-08-18 12:40 (UTC)

[After a while, and with much help, Pilouette emerges from the forest. While she's relieved not to be lost anymore, her mind is still filled with all kinds of thoughts and feelings that weigh heavily upon her.

When she finally reaches Marita's location, she forces a small apologetic smile and speaks with the same timid tone she did over the journal.]

I, um...I hope I didn't make you wait too long.

[ There's a big ol dragon wandering the forests as well. And Pilouette may just happen upon him and his steam trail as he mutters and muses to himself all the while. Should Pilouette step into the mists fog lingering around the large figure that may alert him to her presence, where ever she maybe. ]

[Pilouette can't help but feel just a little more nervous when she seems to walk into a particularly foggy part of the forest. It's...kind of spooky. And it's a little hard to see. She can sort of see something through the fog and squints her eyes, not that it really helps much.]

What the heck...?

[ He senses her before he sees her, but Tethelesal will look over his shoulder with a curious howl, and deep, rumble in his throat. ]

I beg your pardon. I hope I did not startle you. [ The fog will slowly begin to recede a little as it swirls gently around Pilouette's ankles and back towards the large dragon, which is more easily visible now.

He'll give her a toothy smile. ] You are a bit far from the village the from all on your own. It is a good thing there are not more dangerous creatures in these woods.

[With the dragon more visible now, Pilouette jumps a little with a squeak. How she hasn't noticed something so...large in the village before is a bit of a mystery, but...well, she's the kind of person who misses a lot of things. She offers a polite, if somewhat nervous, nod.]

N-No, it's fine, really! I-I just, um, n-needed to get out of the village for a little bit. I just kind of started walking without really thinking about where I was headed...

[ Toph has no idea how to deal with this. It was her first Luceti experience, technically! And it was confusing, to say the least. Frustrating, too. A life as a blind child born into the lap of luxury but without her earthbending... She was just happy things were back to normal.

In any case, it's a rare moment when Toph opens her journal that evening in time to hear Pilouette's message. She hadn't known how to approach her, afterwards. They hadn't even known each other, prior to this whole mess. Now she had all these vague memories of an at times overbearing but ultimately well-meaning older sister. A distant part of her worried. ]

What kinda person gets themselves lost?

[ . . . okay maybe that didn't come out right. ]

[Likewise, Pilouette wasn't sure what to say. She wonders if Toph is angry with her. After all, though her intentions may have been good, she wasn't exactly the nicest person in the world, deriding Toph's friends and choices. They hadn't been a real family, anyway. It was all a big lie. For the past day or so, she had told herself this over and over. It wasn't real. It never had been.

...But she had to admit...she had enjoyed being an older sister, even if it had only been for a little while.

She forces a small, nervous sounding laugh and tries not to sound too down.]

Y-Yeah, I know, right? I, um, I guess I just wasn't paying attention.

[ Dryly: ] Tell me about it. Last week was crazy. They weren't kidding when they said this place could get nuts about that kind of thing.

[ Toph wasn't sure if she believed people when they told her about the sort of experiments and the kind of war they had here in Luceti. But after last week, and the tail end of it with all that fighting? It wasn't exactly something she could question, anymore. ]

"Nuts" is an understatement. They've messed with out memories before, but I-I've never seen anything like that...! I, um, I'm not sure it was the kind of thing we normally get around here at all.

[Especially with the cultists having gotten in. It couldn't have been a normal experiment, right?]

Edited 2013-08-24 23:59 (UTC)

It isn't? It sure sounded like it. [ First-timer to Luceti! A glaring neon sign would have been less obvious. Not...that Toph would have seen it. ]

There's usually not so much...fighting...when it comes to these things.

[She always did hate being the person to explain these kinds of things to new people, but...]

Those cultists that attacked at the end of it...They shouldn't have even been here. It's not just not normal, it's like, k-kind of alarming? [She quickly adds:] B-But like I said that's um, n-not normal! M-Most of the experiments aren't even that scary!

[Actually, she thinks they sort of are but, she feels bad that that was Toph's first Luceti experience, even though Toph doesn't sound too terribly upset over it.]

The fighting was the best part, though! That wasn't even scary at all! [ A pause. ] Well, it was at first. But once I got the hang of it, it was pretty great.

You're not much of a fighter huh, Pilouette? [ Said in a curious voice, not at all meant to be mean-spirited. ]

[Pilouette hadn't expected that question at all and is a little thrown off.]

Oh, uh...N-no. No, I'm not. I don't think I could ever handle any kind of fighting. It's kind of why I started learning first-aid.

[ Ohhh. A healer! Which made her kind of like Katara, but Katara was aces at fighting too. Hmm. ]

That's cool. But what's gonna happen next time there's an attack or something? [ ... Is she worried? Even Toph can't tell if she's worried. What is this feeling... ]

[Pilouette kind of hopes there isn't a next time, but by now she knows better than to think that more fighting won't happen.]

W-Well, I had to go on a draft once. Back then I just stayed with all the medical staff and tried to help out as best I could. I don't know if I really made much of a difference and I'm still learning, but...

Well, I guess that's kind of all I can do.

That's all, huh? [ Toph frowns a bit. It's so weird; she doesn't even know this girl But... ] Well, healing's useful and all, but it's only any good if you're not hurt or something, right? Haven't you ever done any self-defense training or anything?

No, I haven't. Back home, it wasn't really something I never needed to do. As here, I managed to keep out of trouble up until that I draft. ...Besides, even if I did, I...

[She hates to admit it, but...since they're talking about it anyway, she might as well be honest. Her voice lowers just a little.]

I'm not really the bravest person in the world. I'd probably freak out too much to actually put it to use if I needed to.

You're lost?

[Honestly, after everything that's happened lately, he can't say that he finds that to be too much of a surprise. That whole thing was disorienting for everyone, even those who weren't affected by it.]

Do you need someone to come find you?

N...No, I have a few people helping me.

[The last thing she wants is for people to worry about her, especially if they're people she doesn't know very well. She tries to force a little cheerfulness into her voice and laughs, just a little. It probably isn't very convincing.]

C-Can you believe I let myself get lost like this, though? Like, how even, right?

[Emil gets that feeling... all too well, in fact. His own first instinct is try to joke around to cover things up when he's in a bad place emotionally too, so far be it from him to scold someone else for doing the same thing.]

Yeah, I know what you mean... I once went out for a walk and got so lost that it took me two hours to get home. I don't even know how I did it. It's not like it's that hard to find the village or anything.

L-Like I know, right?! I mean, it's right there! Besides, I've been here for like...two years or something. I should know my way around by now...!

[She lets out another little laugh, obviously forced, her voice strained.]

It...It shouldn't this hard.

[She's not sure if she means finding her way or...well. Everything else.]

I guess we all just make mistakes and mess things up sometimes, even when we've been in Luceti for a while. How long we've been here doesn't really seem to matter when it comes to stuff like that.

[There's a deeper meaning to his words, if she'll take the implication. That experiments can still throw you off, no matter how long you've lived in Luceti.]

Edited 2013-08-23 02:18 (UTC)

Y-yeah, that's true...You can never really tell what to expect here.

[But she never stops being worried about messing up, about making too many mistakes. Besides, even with the shifts she's been through...]

...This last mess was like, totally something else, huh?

Yeah, it was pretty crazy. I can't remember anything else that was as big of a deal as this since the last time they made us all think we were related to each other. I think that time was even worse than this one, though.

Th-The last time? Huh? You mean this isn't the first time...?!

[The fact that it's happened more than once is enough to make her feel a little more frightened by it.]

No, something like this happened a couple of years ago too. But there wasn't any fighting involved that time... it was just that everyone thought they'd been born and grew up here instead of in their own worlds.

O-Oh...

[Even without the involvement of a battle...the whole thing is still pretty horrifying.]

Sometimes I forget how crazy this place gets. ...But then something like our whole lives being rewritten happens to make sure we remember. It's so totally messed up...!

Yeah.

[Emil knows this feeling all too well.]

You'd think we'd get used to it after a while, but we never really do.

No kidding. It kind of reminds me of how much I hated this place when I first got here.

[And that feeling is slowly rising back up.]

It's bad enough that I'll lose all my memories when I finally go home. But why should I have to forget all those things while I'm still here...?!

I don't think we'll ever really forget the things that happen here. Even if our minds forget, I think our hearts will still remember. At least, that's what I want to believe.

Our hearts, huh? That's a good belief to have, I guess. Even if we only remember a little bit of someone, we can still be friends with that person, right?

[She still feels a little bad about having such a heavy conversation with someone she doesn't know very well, though she appreciates it a great deal.]

Um...th-thanks, Emil. For talking to me like this, I mean. I didn't mean to just like, barf a bunch of feelings and stuff all over you.

Don't worry about it. I think that's something that happens to pretty much everybody here too sometimes.

[He certainly doesn't sound bothered by it, at least.]

And yeah, that's what I think. I've had friends go home and come back without remembering being here at all, but we were still able to become friends again anyway.

That's nice to hear. E-Even though it would be bad if any of them had to end up back here...I hope that if any of my friends come back, I can be friends with them again, too...!

[As far she knows it hasn't happened yet. And as much as she wants to see them again...it's a selfish thing to hope for, considering. That's not the way an adult thinks, right?]

But it must be kind of tough to meet someone again and find out they don't remember, huh? Then again, sometimes it would probably be better if they didn't...

[For instance, in the case of a certain panda bear.]

[If it's selfish, then Emil is just as selfish, because he's never been able to cure himself of wishing that certain people would return to Luceti no matter how much he tries.]

It is kind of tough. But then I remembered that they were still the person I became friends before they went home, so even if they didn't remember me, there was still a reason we ended up being friends in the first place. It wasn't quite so bad once I started thinking about it that way.

[He makes a good point. After all, if someone liked her enough to be friends with her once, they could like her again.]

I...I guess that does make it a little better. It would probably be kind of awkward, though, huh? I mean,if they don't remember. Showing up in a place like this and having a bunch of people say they know you...

Yeah, I felt kind of bad when I said hi to them thinking they'd remember me, and they didn't have any idea who I was. They didn't seem too upset about it for long, though. Actually, I think they were happy to have someone who wanted to be friends with them right away.

Yeah...Yeah, I can understand that. Anyone would feel better if they had someone there for them when they first got here, even if they're strangers. Still...it still feels really freaky to have you memories messed with, even if it's just because you went home.

[The recent shift still has her feeling pretty shaky.]

Especially when you end up being a different person because of it. You know?

I think that's the worst part about this place, even worse than being turned into animals or thinking you're a superhero or anything else the experiments end up doing to you.

Y-Yeah. Sometimes even after the experiments are over, I start wondering if I really am who I think I am.

Ahaha... I know how that feels...

What're you doing so far out in the woods, anyway?

I just needed to be by myself and think for a while. I didn't realize how far I went. I just...kept going.

Yeah, I get that. [...] But, did someone come out and get your or something?

Yeah. Yeah, I had some help.

[A lot.]

It was probably super dumb of me to get lost anyway, though.

Well, kinda. But everyone does dumb stuff sometimes.

I guess so, but...I'm just feel like I'm extra dumb right now, I guess.

Yeah. [...] I dunno how dumb I feel, I'm just sort of mad.

After the past week, I don't blame you. It was totally messed up.

...Sometimes it's easy to forget how scary this place is. But something always happens to remind us, huh?

Yeah, definitely. [A beat] But at least everyone was able to pull through and fight all those jerks off.

Yeah. But how did they even get in without anyone noticing...?! That's pretty scary all by itself, you know?

[...Wow he didn't even think of that. That is a good point]

Well. ...Well yeah, that's scary. But we're gonna be ready next time.

[Probably]

...I want to think there won't be a next time. But you can't really count on bad things not happening here, huh?

Probably not, no. [Bad stuff has happened.... a lot]

That's really the only thing you can count on in this place. It just...It just makes me hate this place all over again...! Just as much as when I first got here!

[Rin never stopped. And he growls out some sort of thing which resembles a sigh]

Hopefully you'll get gone soon though. People shouldn't be here.

Y-Yeah. ...I hope you get to go home soon, too.

[Though, part of her is tired of making friends with people only for them to disappear to where she'll never see them again. It's a selfish thought, she knows, but...she can't help herself.]

...It's funny, though. Once I do go home, I won't remember anything, so I won't even get to be happy about it...

[She forces a small, quiet chuckle.]

Yeah, but you wouldn't be here. So you'd still be better off than bein' here.

[He holds firm to that. He's got things to do and-] I'm sure you've got stuff to look forward to at home.

Yeah, I do. If I was there right now, I'd looking at colleges, thinking about moving, studying for graduation...But once I get home all that stuff will still be a couple years off.

[After all, she'll be sixteen again. The two years she spent in Luceti would be gone.

But, now that he mentions it...]

You probably have a lot waiting for you at home, too, huh? I bet it's all pretty important, too.

[Considering...well, Rin. He probably doesn't have the powers he does for nothing.]

Edited (Hit Post too soon...!) 2013-08-29 07:11 (UTC)

Well... yeah. I've gotta be there for my classmates and I'm gonna kick Satan's ass!

[Those are his immediate goals. There's also his rivalry with his brother, Shiemi's an unresolved issue (though she is in Luceti), fixing his friendships with the Kyoto three even more, getting to know Izumo better...]

But if you're going to college and stuff? That's amazing too.

K-Kick Satan's...? Even if you say it's amazing, I-I don't think going to college and stuff really compares...!

But there's no way someone like me'd get into college!

H-Huh? O-Of course you could! And even if you didn't... Well, At college I'm going to be learning all the exact same stuff as like, a ton of other people are, but you'll probably already be doing all kinds of important stuff that you can't just go to some school and learn to do, you know?

No way - goin' to college means you're smart. Being able to do stuff like be a doctor or a lawyer or an important business person or whatever. I'm not saying being an exorcist isn't cool or it ain't the path for me, 'cus it is, but that doesn't mean being able to get into a school like that isn't amazing.

W-Well, I guess you're right...but it's not like I've gotten in yet. When I left home, it was still too early to even start looking. [Which kind of makes the whole thing a little less amazing in her opinion.] I'd just been making plans assuming I'd be able to get in to whatever school I applied to.

Besides, my plans weren't exactly on the same level as being a doctor or anything like that. I...I was actually going to learn to be a baker. Study and then go to culinary school or something.

Yeah, well... that's fine too. [And he grins now, trying to sound more reassuring than he feels] Everyone deserves a shot at bein' about to live up their dreams unless they're going out and hurting people. So it's not like you gotta compare this or that.

Y-Yeah...Yeah, I guess you're right.

[Though, the more she's been in Luceti the less sure she feels about that dream. Did she want to do it because she wanted to or because it made people happy, because it might make people like her?]

I guess I really shouldn't worry too much about it, huh?

Yeah, I guess. [...] Honestly, I dunno what the right way to do things is but everyone's going back eventually, so yeah.

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